As I walk along I find myself looking. Looking over my shoulder in distrust as I look ahead for someone in distress; could it be that those who are now behind me, those I’m afraid of, were at one time ahead of me in distress and I walked right by? And why should I fear? Is not my life and possessions Gods gift to me? Why should I fear if he desires that another should have it? What is my life but clay?
I know what its like to be lost and alone. I know what it’s like to feel that you have no other recourse but dishonesty to get by (and I have been dishonest). This is not an excuse; but a realization that what I fear in others, I am.
I’ve looked at others, like drug dealers, and thought (like a true Pharisee) surely I’m not that bad! But I am. I’ve thought to myself, when hearing the stories from the street – but you’ve had other choices – you didn’t have to follow the crowd – . But I realize, things I’ve done, I didn’t have to make those choices. Everyday has been like borrowing from tomorrow (and sometimes stealing) to pay today, knowing that I can’t afford tomorrow to begin with.
My down payment for tomorrow, tonight, is faith and hope. Tonight I only want to borrow against God’s Love.